A lot of times I forget how extremely vital love and forgiveness are to the core of who God wants me to be as a Christian. It's so natural, so human to think negatively about others that don't quite fit into our world view, either through their behavior, their personality, the color of their skin, idiosyncrasies, etc. Take it a step further - think of someone that cuts you off while driving, that pushes you out of the way at the store, that you find out has been disparaging your reputation by spreading rumors and untruths. It hurts, and naturally, we want to get even - to let them feel the full expression of what we consider to be the recompense of our pain. Many times that translates into a grudge, bitterness, or unforgiveness. We think we have to keep that hurt alive in our hearts and minds to keep ourselves from being hurt again by that person, but it only hurts us more. The fact of the matter is, people are going to hurt us. We're going to hurt people. We're going to mess up because we are corrupted, we are far from perfect. God calls us to His perfection (Matthew 5:48), however, so we are compelled to forsake what is natural to our corrupted nature and live into His calling with the grace He has given us (II Peter 1:3).
There are a few scriptures that really stand out to me about this topic.
Matthew 5:23, 24
"...if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God."
God won't accept what we bring to offer Him if we're not right with someone. If we come to Him offering our worship, our service, our time, etc., but we're not right with somebody, He will not receive it. He wants His church to live in unity, but we can't do that if we have grudges against other people or if they have grudges against us. We have to be willing to lay down our pride and our rights and humble ourselves and make things right with whoever we have harmed or who has harmed us. Psalm 51:17 speaks to how God will not refuse someone with a contrite (humble) heart. If we are living in a state of humility we won't hesitate to make things right with someone we may be at odds with.
Matthew 18:23-35
"...the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn't pay, so the king ordered that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. But the man fell down before the king and begged him, 'Oh, sir, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.' Then the king was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. 'Be patient and I will pay it,' he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn't wait. He had the man arrested and jailed until the debt could be paid in full. When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him what had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, 'You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?' Then the angry king sent the man to prison until he had paid every penny. That's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters in your heart."
The message here is simple. God cannot tolerate unforgiveness. He has forgiven us a lifetime of sin, yet we'll explode in rage if someone cuts us off in traffic and makes us a few minutes late. What can someone possibly do to us that can overshadow the amount of forgiveness God has shown toward us?
I've heard this explained another way that I feel really puts things in perspective. Genesis explains to us that man was created in God's image. So whenever we get mad at that person in traffic, we look with disgust at an individual that's not like us, we grumble against someone that's not living up to our expectations, we are marginalizing His creation that He loves. If we are pursuing after God, we cannot ignore those that He loves.
I John 4:20
If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.
This further illustrates the point above that we cannot forsake people and love God. God's Word says we are a liar if we say we love Him but do not love another person. We have to love as Jesus loves - unconditionally, without holding back, without a grudge. I have to check myself on this daily. I'm still working on this but hopefully I can keep this at the forefront of my heart and mind and truly show people love.
A few months ago I had a falling out with someone I was friends with for many years. We came to a disagreement on a number of things, and ended up even attacking each other personally. After some of the lessons above, I realized I had to make this right, and I did. It involved casting off pride and humbling myself, which is hard. To me, the initial thought of getting rid of pride hurts, as if I'm giving up a piece of myself. The reality is that there's freedom there. There's freedom when you're not holding that grudge, when that bitterness is gone, when you can draw near to God and He draws near to you because you don't have anything against a brother or sister.
This is what I challenge you (and myself) to do daily. Check yourself. Did you marginalize someone else because they disrupted you in some way or another? Is there a past hurt that needs to be resolved? Is there pride that needs to be forsaken to make things right with a brother or sister? Are you willing to enter into a deeper relationship with God? Or do you want to hold on to your pride that will get you nowhere in the immediate or in the eternal?
